_c._1900.jpg) |
| Mary Cassatt's The Young Mother, c.1900 Source |
It's the type of scene Elisabeth Badinter possibly had in mind when she wrote her book The Conflict: Woman and Mother. There is no doubt, Badinter's book is food for thought for engaged mothers and fathers juggling work, parenting, and personal ambitions.
My review of Badinter's book, 'Left Holding the Baby' can be found in SMH. Badinter offers an engaging analysis of this problem, focusing on the rise of a 'naturalist' ideology. Here's a sample from the review:
Badinter does not ''deny the intricate relationship between nature and culture, nor the existence of hormones'' but argues there is no wholly natural instinct that should undermine the ''infinite variety'' of ways to mother.
Badinter has some corkers to support her argument about the rise of reactionaries, courtesy of the Catholic-founded La Leche League's 10 breastfeeding ''commandments'': ''I am the milk of your breasts … you will have no artificial versions of my shape … you shall not wean your child for the sake of convenience.''
That said, her nostalgia for carefree smoking and drinking while pregnant seems less a lament for lost feminist freedoms and more a defence of retrograde hedonism.
This book has many ''Yes, but …'' moments.
Badinter's analysis is interesting, but I was unconvinced that the 'natural mother' ideology is as powerful as she claims. I think engaged parenting breeds a kind of confident pragmatism that quickly sees through such oppressive ideals (whether you breastfeed or not). And, interestingly, Australian qualitative research backs up this impression.
You can read the full review here. You can also read the Jenny Turner essay I mention in the review here.
_c._1900.jpg){kind=link}
I look forward to reading the full review. For me, there is little that is 'natural' about mothering. In pregnancy, I suffered hyperemesis so severely I would have died if it were not for modern medicine. I could not breasfeed my daughter when she was born - but I foolishly persisted while she withered away. We gave her a bottle and she thrived. I am a mother who works full time - I have been told that this is unnatural. Being a parent is the most important job in my life, and I value it enormously. If the way I choose to parent is unnatural to some, I can live with it as I do what is 'natural' for me and my family.
ReplyDeleteG'day JIAB. Blogger hates me and ate my comment! Again, and again…Here goes once more...
ReplyDeleteI agree: while there's a natural base, so much of parenting, breastfeeding, childbirth, responding to cries, etc., is undoubtedly learnt and socially influenced. By the time of my second baby, I had this sense of 'know-how'. It would have been easy to call it 'mother instinct', but I knew so much of it had been learnt the hard way, such as breastfeeding which didn’t come easily.
That said, I don't think the 'natural' practices are as harmful as Badinter suggests. And they can even be empowering to women compared to the conceptualisation of childbirth, for instance, as a 'medical problem' (particularly where no definite medical problem is present, which differs from your situation). The research on 'cascade of interventions' and public versus private health outcomes is fascinating.
I found allied health professionals - in my case physiotherapists - were able to bridge the gap between natural and medical models. They didn’t deny pain, but explained the physiology of it, and gave clear examples of non-medical ways to address it.
I went back to work when each of my babies were 14 weeks old - mentally and economically, I needed to. My husband and I negotiated it so that we both cared for the kids and both worked part-time. Both of our careers and earnings have suffered, but we've both gained a lot in this partnership. (Sure, most people when they see him out with them think he's got a day off work or is unemployed, but he can cope with this!)
That said, after a serious illness, I decided that my work-in-an-office identity wasn't as important as I thought it was. Work's still central to my sense of who I am, but the honesty required as a parent gave the impetus to renegotiate it on my terms. Now it's done from home/cafe, and combined with parenting young kids. For me, that’s what I want. And that's where Badinter gets it right: there are an infinite ways to parent and work. Unfortunately, the positive case is not the focus of Badinter's book.
Hello Ruth,
ReplyDeletethanks for your reply - how nasty of Blogger to gobble up your words. I really enjoyed your full review in SMH. I've now read Rachel Power's take on the same book and it's interesting revisiting both your reviews on a day when I am seriously considering giving up work altogether and becoming a better mother. I don't think I will, though. I think I'm just having a rough patch - feeling inadequate in my paid work and as a parent. I'm interested to hear that your and your partner both work part-time - it sounds like a great arrangement. My husband and I tried this, but we found that nothing got done in the home and we both felt like we weren't doing enough at work. So we are back to him working part time and taking on the lion's share of the housework while I work full-time. We're a happier household now. I think what I really want to do is quit work and stay home and read! I'm sure we could live on lentils and rent out a room...
Oh, I know those days, Jill... they're the ones when I feel that going back to work full-time would solve every financial problem, every niggle of self-doubt. But then the feeling passes, and I press on, knowing I'm happier chipping away at my own project, steadily increasing the hours I give to it, and my husband doing the same. Although I can identify with your frustrated feeling of never really having enough time, for work or family. Sounds to me as if you know what works best for you. The allure of reading all day does sound pretty good, though... with someone to bring toast and tea at regular intervals throughout the day.
ReplyDelete